#RELEASE THE COCKY
Ya girls are back back back at it again! In light of the recent #cockygate developments ya girls couldn’t walk away from their investigative duties and had to make an encore post bout da cock-fuckery dat faleena unleashed on da world at large since our last blog post. We’re serving up FAIR AND BALANCED journalism with this piece! Faleena seems to really be embracing her inner cartoon villain, she just won’t gtfo! Homegirl has more cock related horcruxes up her sleeves than the master of the dark arts and ya girls can’t lie we’re impressed by her stamina. 🤔She sure has been puttin ya girls thru our paces tryin to keep up this investigation!
BREAKING NEWS: FALEENA SPEAKS OUT
Faleena put up a long ass 3 page post seemingly talking and offering advice to her vintage self. As in, herself from like 3 weeks ago or something. In da span of 2-3 weeks it seems our cocky kween has been thru a eat pray love journey of self discovery and has finally realised that in hindsight, literally fabricating a fake cease and desist letter and (allegedly) pretending to be a registered lawyer wasn’t cute. Just straight up wild! And that perhaps handing out legal threats to people was maybe not something anyone with an iota of common sense wants to be caught out there doing.
Read the cocky defense blog post below, (for the confused she’s advising her former self)
The dramatic post starts off with Faleena imploring all of her remaining 138 fans from her self-proclaimed half million readers (some of whom we’ve interviewed btw hohoho!) to “steer clear” because the hoard (I guess that’s u and me dear reader) r too dark! (I guess shookitha did go thru that emo myspace phase)(S: IT’S NOT A PHASE) She asks them to pls protect themselves!! From scabies? from us? From reading about her actions? From shookitha’s angsty myspace aesthetic? Who knows tbh?
The overall message ya girls got from this blogpost is that Faleena still does not get it.
You’re not being bullied Faleena, it’s called being held accountable for your actions.
She does not take responsibility for her actions in this blog post at all instead pivoting and shifting the blame mostly onto the author who dared to post screenshots of her mangled attempts at playing lawyer:
“She changes your life by tweeting what you wrote, maybe forever.”
Pretty sure YOU Faleena, wrote that C&D letter, do not go crying and playing the victim because someone had the nerve to stand up to your bullying. How dare this person not take her seriously! What kind of evil agenda was she going for? Out to ruin somebody’s life by exposing their intimidation tactics! #rude. Faleena really thought she could get away with intimidating someone into submission. Big mistake. Huge!
Faleena claims that the author who she tried to bully and shut down by threatening with a legal cease and desist letter, the supposed copy cat author piggybacking off the success of da cocky kween was laughing her ass off and dat she lied about being threatened by Faleena’s legal threats! DA NERVE of this supposed plagiarising hoe!? Getting threatened by a threat?? What kinda madness is this?? Basically, this author is a disney villain plotting her demise and Faleena is da poor downtrodden cocky princess.
At one point in da blog post Faleena literally states: “They (meaning us darkness-dwellers not-livin-in-da-light h8ers) won’t ask, is she (the alleged thieving author in question) a victim… or friggin’ genius?” According to Faleena, the alleged thief’s “I’m a victim tweets” are not eligible for sympathy, as in the Faleena universe one simply needs to “look at their amazon to realise that u can’t bully upwards!!” THAT’S RIGHT LADIES N GENTLEHOES FALEENA HOPKINS (“HALF A MILLION BOOKS SOLD”) COCKY KWEEN EXTRAORDINAIRE CLAIMS U CAN’T BULLY PPL WHO HAVE MORE BOOKS ON AMAZON. It just doesn’t count ok?
Ya girls take personal offense to a few more parts of Faleena’s long winded messy blog post in particular where she just straight up lies by saying:
“Despite what they will say later, “Cocky” isn’t a common trope. If it were, Amazon would include it in their list of keywords for romance.”
This is not even a good or creative lie. 0/10 for effort cocky kween try again. It is a common trope. Literally almost every romance hero ever that ever romanced in da history of romance has cocked a cocky smirky smirk when his muscley muscles weren’t bulging away and his blue-iest blue eyes weren’t twinklin away at his love interest. Just because it’s allegedly not a keyword according to Amazon doesn’t mean it’s not common. The good sistrens on twitter have that covered with multiple examples of Cocky usage.
— Diane Carol (@DianeCarol2) May 31, 2018
#1: April 2016
#2: August 2015
#3: March 2016
Not necessarily similar color schemes but, no child, you were not the first one to use “Cocky” as a title and put hot abs on your cover. pic.twitter.com/6WtwJpR69h
— Jackie Barbosa Gets Cocky (@jackiebarbosa) May 31, 2018
And this part:
“The collective ‘sisterhood’ never writes to you, asks your side, or thinks of coming together and having a conference call with you or something where they use their respective power to you know…talk.”
Ya girls right here were most offended at this part as we literally extended da olive branch to Miss Thing™ so many times it’s not even funny. We are mad at this snub Faleena but the offer for an interview still stands! Show da ppl u ain’t all cock n no buck. Buck up chuck n step up to da batting crease. That blog post was not the tea. Ya girls would tell you like it is which anyone who truly cared for you would and should be doing!
Ya gotta stop being obsessed with #livinginthelight and start #livinginreality instead.
And btw the RWA are not a bunch of h8rs out to get ya! There are repercussions for your actions da only one out to get u is you ur inner saboteur, bc let’s be real we all got one. But that doesn’t mean you listen to that inner hoe! She’s trying to fuck up ur shit! Control yourself Faleena u r literally catching ur own hands!! 😱 Trying to trademark common English words is seriously damaging to the indie author community.
Halfway thru like most of Faleena’s posts it turns into a weird giant ego self wank session. She claims at length to care very much about her integrity in da same breath as her proudly proclaiming that she (allegedly) fraudulently composed cease and desist letters while pretending to be a legal professional. Wow. Much integ. Such rity.
“I’m not cocky, but I do go after what I want, and I always encourage others to do the same. It’s one of the reasons people love my series… I can be pretty annoying about it. I care very much about my integrity, and also my previously clean reputation.”
Well really, let’s take a look at this allegedly “previously clean reputation” in question.🤔
Certain concerning things have come to light since our last post. First, off it’s been brought to attention on Twitter that passages from said cocky books exhibit an infuriating amount of homophobia.
Much inclusivity, great inclusivity. Except for wait, this character has to “Ma[k]e up for being gay…by being a bigger badass than most of us, like he had something to prove.” 🤔What exactly does Faleena have her romance heroes say this gay man is making up for? That’s right! BING BING BING BABY! It’s him being gay that somehow makes this dude defective and hence he needs to “make up” for his faulty character by overcompensating to prove he is no ordinary gay man but a badass gay man that embodies traditional masculinity even more so than regular straights!!
Soooo progressive! I bow down to thee cocky kween. You truly do pay the most tribute to cocks in da universe! In Faleena’s fictional world da price of liking cock if u have a cock is dat u must get even more cocky hohoho!!! It’s like cocky multiplication up in dis bitch! Cock x cock= cock^x (shookitha has no idea what this means either hohoho™) In her clumsy attempts to be inclusive she was insanely condescending and frankly offensive. And y they dyin over such a dumb ass joke? They need to spend a day wit ya girls and learn something about real humor smh!! 😒
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. This is inexcusable and although it’s misspelled it clear that it’s meant to be a slur. And besides literally how is saying you love mint chocolate chip ice cream supposed to charm anyone? Get real. And what’s with Faleena’s obsession with mint chocolate chip ice cream in general? Your mary sue is showing Faleena!!
But perhaps the most mystifying (and by that we mean infuriating) thing that has come to light is Faleena’s lessons in feminism. According to a blog post entitled “Give Men Their Balls Back,” Faleena makes a groundbreakingly logic based claim that the feminist revolution went TOO FAR when women stopped praising men for being sexy while flippin burgers at the BBQ. 😱
Drop everything and praise your man right now if u wanna keep him ladies! Because as a woman it’s your job to make ya man feel wanted 24/7, if not ur ass deserves to be left and u shouldn’t even be surprised. Coddle ya man. Shrink yourself down and make him feel needed again!
Yo man is a leech according to Faleena and he must suckle on yo blood 24/7, otherwise he withers and dies and clings onto a younger n more poppin host body to suckle da life blood from hohoho! And it will be ALL your fault and not his. 👼
Treat yo man like a leech ladies not like a human being with a sentient mind and any sense of self-agency. Remember if u wanna keep yo peen u gotta keep him keen.
RECENT QUESTIONABLE ACTIONS:
In a legal document Faleena filed she refers to her consumers, ie her fans as “unsophisticated” and prone to buy books based on “bare chested muscular men”
To which ya girls say y can’t u be thirsty AND sophisticated? God knows the perfect example of sophisticated thirstiness is standing before ya very eyes (aka Fresiako)!
Faleena has also filed a restraining order against Kevin Kneuper and a lawsuit against Tara Crescent and Jennifer Watson
Here’s the legal threat I received from her lawyer. Personal details about lawyers omitted because I’m that much of a stand-up guy (everybody deserves a lawyer and no qualms with someone doing the job).
Prepping up the docs I received soon. pic.twitter.com/bFOQMUSvPG
— Kevin Kneupper (@kneupperwriter) May 25, 2018
The font creator also sent his own cease & desist letter to Faleena 😱
BREAKING: COCKYGATE COURTROOM COCK FIGHT:
Faleena’s tried it (from afar as she wasn’t in attendance) in da court of law and u’ll be shook too see what tomfoolery took place! Transcripts provided by Courtney Milan @courtneymilan:
http://www.courtneymilan.com/cockydocs/I61RHOPM.pdf (TRANSCRIPTS IN FULL)
NASTY GALS BREAK IT DOWN JUDGE JUDY STYLE:
Faleena took it to the courtroom sending her lawyer to defend her honor against no good cock thieving defendants/authors Kevin Kneupper, Tara Crescent, and publicist of Cocktails Jenn Watson. We will refer to the Judge as Judge Judy.
Highlight Reel from da Courtroom Cock Fight:
FALEENA GETS DENIED
THE SHADE OF IT ALL!! Judge Judy who taught u how to shade people like that? Will they teach us too?? Judge Judy was NOT having it .com
FALEENA still pretends her trademark on da font is still valid even tho da font creator @SetSailStudios has said like 18 times on twitter that da cock kween can’t trademark his shit hohoho. He has even sent Faleena his own cease & desist letter.
Da COURTROOM IS SHOOK. JUDGE JUDY is asking wtf does being cocky have to do with mother’s day? Faleena’s incomprehensibly bad writing and titling works in her favour. We all would like to know Faleena!
Judge Judy seeks to know what a cocky firefighter n a cocky doctor book contain hohoho geddit judge judy is thirsty like ya girl! 😏Wanted to get down to da bottom of dem cock questions u feel?
After all dat drama da restraining order is denied hunties!! 👀
K firstly. Judge denied the TRO. #cockygate
— Euna Park (@eunapark) June 1, 2018
#EXPOSED! VIA TEXT MESSAGES!!
Da tea here is dat Faleena openly admits in recently #EXPOSED text messages that she knows that people will not mistake her book series with Tara Crescents, but still tries to blackmail and shame the good sis into changing her book title like so dat she can solidify her claim as the the one and only sole kween of cock she is clambering to be hohoho!
FALEENA DENIES SHE CALLED HER FANS UNSOPHISTICATED!
Cocky kween claims on twitter to not have called her fans unsophisticated!
Twitter fires back with the receipts hunties n takes the cock dictator down:
I have no idea where people got this ridiculous idea. 🙄 pic.twitter.com/rAZbgOWODy
— Kris McIntyre (@_KrisMcIntyre) June 4, 2018
You *had* to call your readers unsophisticated and will have to in the future if you want to defend your bogus trademark. If your readers are so super sophisticated that they can grasp the “intricacies” of your homophobic trash pile books, they can read your author name.
— 🏳️🌈Jenny “Sloth Truther” Trout (@Jenny_Trout) June 4, 2018
LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE OR INNOCENT SLANDERED BABY ANGEL?
U DECIDE!! 🤔🤔🤔
Wit dis we truly are saying #byefaleena. We’re gonna stop saying yes to her cocky tales and start sayin yes to da cocktails! (holla at ya girls thanks)
But before we end our final coverage we would like to offer Faleena some free (we’re charitable like dat) help and assistance since apologizing isn’t her thing (allegedly). If u want the full apology Faleena contact us thru the contact form on our blog or twitter and send us da money honey. 💰
SAMPLE APOLOGY WRITTEN BY PR GURUS SHOOKITHA & FRESIAKO
Dear readers of the romance community,
I have seen the light, as I currently reside in there. I would just like to apologize for my greedy ways. You must understand I saw an opening to make a lot of money by trademarking Cocky. I would’ve gotten away wit it too, if it wasn’t for u twitter fools!!!
But I digress, to quote the investigative journalist Dr. Shookitha Tea, “When faced with da dolla it can indeed make ya holla”. This spoke to me on a spiritual level, I got entirely too happy and then y’all started dragging me and I got my feelings hurt. So my first reaction was to get crunk on whisky and do a live chat addressing everyone bein lil means ass hoes to me.
I am great at everything, especially listening (it’s an artform I’ve excelled at my whole life) but I wasn’t even listening to what u were sayin guys I couldn’t hear your voices over the sounds of my half a million books being sold and my millions of fans. But I also came to my senses when I went back and started to live in the light again. Now I’ve sat down and read your tweets and ur concerns. I realize now that I was acting too wild and took things too personal. I was feeling some type away cuz I wanted to be da one true cocky kween and it was there for the taking. I mean I’ve put soooo much work into my series I work so hard you know??
I even photographed my own cover model (which in case u didn’t know I’m the first indie author to photograph their own shirtless model. 😱 It was so groundbreaking and wild and everyone told me I was crazy for attempting something so risky. But I’m ambitious like that!! Always have been even as an infant. My career as a hit actress was another example of how driven n successful I am! I also had all my hot cover models n actors kiss my feet n thank me for saving their lives. I’m truly so touching n modest omg!! I make myself cry sometimes by how much I embody mother teresa or as I like to call her mother faleena. 😥
But anyway, I realize now that there’s enough cocky to go around. I take accountability for my actions because it hurt people. It may not have been my intention but it still happened and I gotta own up to it. I didn’t realise ppl didn’t like legal action, but what can I say I learn a new thing everyday hohoho! I’m not just apologizing to save face either, my unsophisticated fans will buy my shit no matter what! I’m saying it bc I feel it and I will never use these tactics again.
#Liveinthelight cocky fam
Lots of love n cease n desist letters
-ya homegirl faleena xxx
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